Tell your truth.

Last week a woman, who I will call Cora came into my office and I had no idea how she would help lift the anxiety/trauma tornado that has been hovering the past month.  I sat her down and begun the testing. I typically ask my patients random questions to keep them talking and distracted from the testing I am administering. Curious about her name, I asked Cora if she was named after someone or if it was a interesting story. She told me that her mother was the wicked witch of the west and she probably let someone name her. I didn’t know what to say, so I asked her about her accent and her children. She went on to tell me that she has four children that she delivered 2 and 2 children that she hand picked. She was a foster parent and that lead to adopting 2 other children. She went onto tell me that when she was a little girl that promised herself that she'd never treat her kids like her mother treated her. She said that she believed that her mom had children to have people clean and wait on her, like servents.  That if she left a single sud in the dish drain that she'd be taken care of. She went on to tell me that she didn't think she herself was the best mom but she did her best. I told her that I am sure she is an amazing mom and that we don't give ourselves enough credit for just stopping the cycle. By loving our children and not doing to them what was done to us is enough. I said, Cora you were and are enough for your kids. She and I talked more and hugged. Her appointment was finished and out door the she went. 

That evening I was sitting on the couch watching TV and I realized that the tornado was gone, I felt free from anxiety again. I could feel more than just sad and worried. I was feeling relaxed and happy and just lighter. I was me again. I thought, what changed? See, lots of people tell me, including my therapist that I am strong and brave and enough. I am enough of a mother for my children. And of course, I understand that on a very surface level, I get what you all are saying. But I didn't feel it in my bones. And at that moment, the moment with Cora, I understood it. I saw me in her. I was talking to her but I was also talking to myself. Seeing this woman, being angry at her mother, recognizing as a child that it was wrong and declaring that she wasn't going to repeat the cycle. And how her heart grew to help other children. That’s what I hope for me. I didn't want to relive my childhood ever again and I wanted to parent differently for my children. I want to someday help children and animals that have been neglected. I want anyone that has been abused or neglected, anyone with trauma to know that I understand, I am here, they are not alone. I want them to tell their truth. There is power in it for yourself and for the rest of us, we/you are not alone. I want them to know that there is a peace. It may not be all peaceful all the time but there is peace.  I realized that night and because of Cora's bravery to tell her story to a stranger, that I am enough. That I am strong and brave and mighty for trying and wanting more for the next generation. And that the goals I set out for myself when I was a little girl are attainable. Just like Cora. And to anyone reading this, the same goes for you. 

“You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren't alone.”  ― Jeanne McElvaney, Healing Insights: Effects of Abuse for Adults Abused as Children

"Survivors of abuse show us the strength of their personal spirit every time they smile.” 
― Jeanne McElvaney, Healing Insights: Effects of Abuse for Adults Abused as Children

“Don't judge yourself by what others did to you.”  ― C. Kennedy, Ómorphi

"She's terrified that all these sensations and images are coming out of her — but I think she's even more terrified to find out why." Carla's description was typical of survivors of chronic childhood abuse. Almost always, they deny or minimize the abusive memories. They have to: it's too painful to believe that their parents would do such a thing.” ― David L. Calof