Learning to love yourself.

My favorite song since the first time I heard it is The Greatest Love Of All by Whitney Houston. And it's been a long time since I have last listened to it. Two days ago I heard it and I took me right back to when I first felt it. And I cried so hard. I remember what it meant to me, I remember how it empowered me. I remember how it made me feel. And it made me so proud of little 9 year old Kristy. And everything she knew about life up until that point. Life was raw, it was painful, it was never being in the same place for too long. Life was being unsure of who was in her home or going to touch her body. Life was seeing her mom passed out cold drunk or angry hungover, tired and being beaten and used.  Life was knowing and trying to advocate for her Dad's wellness, looking for stashed drugs. Her life was looking for food to feed herself and her siblings. Her life was making sure her siblings survived too. Her life was itchy from bug bites and lice. Her life was trying to figure out who were her advocates and who were her enemies. But 9 year old Kristy knew something I have forgotten. She knew she matter. She fought every day of her 9 years for her life, and for the life around. Her life was a daily battle ground but she knew it was a fight worth fighting. I don't thank her enough for making it here, tomtoday. I really don't. I suppose that's mostly what my therapy is all about. Thanking and loving my little Kristy's and learning how to be present. I have spent a lot of time being upset at them for the way they control the way I see things now. I push them down and try to bury them. But after listening to that song, I get it. They are the reason I am here. They were hell bent to live and love. And I owe them all the love and compassion. They're badasses, probably some of the strongest people I'll ever know. And I am going to try my hardest to give them my love and compassion so they can go play, like they should have been able to do. Instead of looking over me. I have to show them I can handle this. That they're free.

I will stop here and post the lyrics to The Greatest Love Of All, my anthem, my tribute to them. And you can see how a 9 year old really absorbed this meaning of this song and made herself her own hero. And she did that at 9 years old. I will learn from her and love myself better.

The Greatest Love Of All

Whitney Houston                                                                                                                    Songwriters: Linda Creed / Michael Masser

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago
Never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity

Because the greatest
Love of all is happening to me
I found the greatest
Love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

I decided long ago
Never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity

Because the greatest
Love of all is happening to me
I found the greatest
Love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

And if, by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love