In the event of an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first.

Holy crap. I'm overjoyed, overwhelmed, sad and happy all at the same time. I want to thank everyone that took the time to read my blog and send me a message.

Before posting my blog on social media for all to read. I first sent it to my family.  I'm always worried about my actions and how they affect others. Always. It's an adjustment for me to hear all the worries and to play out all those scenarios in my head and then put myself in equation. Realizing that my feelings are important too. And that I need to consider myself in all those scenarios. Which is very hard for me, because I have this fear that suddenly taking care of myself will cause me to become a narcissist or an asshole. My therapist spends a good deal every session reminding me that it's nearly impossible for me to become a narcissist. Yet, I still worry.

I know that you have to your oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else. But it's..... HARD. It's hard to spend time doing things for yourself when you know you're one of the more fortunate ones and you just want to spend your time helping others because you're able. Posting my blog to social media was a good practice for me to see how well I can put my mask on first. I want to be in a great head space where I can listen without absorbing all of the feelings. Right now, when I hear someone's trauma story, I just want to swoop in save them. I want to heal their pain. And I'm sure part of that, is my subconscious thinking if I can heal someone else, I can heal me, I can save little Kristy. I know, that this blog and helping people, is just a selfish way of healing myself. But, I also know that Kristy, is and always has been a caretaker. Born and raised to care for people. And all Kristy wants is for people to be happy. And Kristy wants to help those who have trouble achieving that. What's different in my life now is that I realize that I can't help people at the cost of me drowning. Moving forward, I am putting on my life jacket and pushing through the hard and doing the work even though it doesn't feel natural and I am going to trust this process.

I just feel so grateful for all the support and love that has been shown to me. To know that I am not alone, is both comforting and sad. I hope my story, being out there, brings comfort to someone and they feel less alone. Knowing I am just an average "Jill" out there working, healing and trying to be the best me I can be and that means so can you.    

"You have permission to rest. You are not responsible for fixing everything that is broken. You do not have to try and make everyone happy. For now, take time for you. It's time to replenish."

- unknown