I adopted a senior dog named Rex and of course he rescued me.
Ever read an animal rescue story and the adopted family says in the end that the animals actually rescued them, my story about my dog Rex, is no different. For several years I have been thinking about adopting a dog, and the past 2 years, very strongly thinking a dog would good for my family, my daughter has generalized anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and sensory perception disorder, and I thought an animal would really help comfort her. When I was in fourth grade, my grandparents adopted a dog named Ruff, and he was my bestest friend, he saw me through a lot of tears and he just laid there and listened and just comforted me, I miss that dog like crazy, he was crazy special. And I really wanted that for my daughter. But, just some things got in the way and I take being a pet owner very seriously. But when Hurricane Harvey hit and people were leaving their dogs tied up and left to die. My Facebook feed was full of posts that shelters needed people to adopt dogs as they were at their max and needed the space to take in new rescues from Harvey. I was thinking and having regular dreams of adopting a dog, already. I just had a gut feeling that andog from Harvey would be the best fit for us. Well, one day, I saw Rex on someones feed, and I went to Baltimore County Animal Services website and read more about him. I think his profile said that he was 12 years old and he didn't like to be told that because he believed he was much younger, that he loved to play fetch and that the family that adopted him would be very lucky. And honestly, his profile had me hooked. I sat on it for a bit, thinking when I had free time, I would go see him and maybe I'd adopt him. Let me tell you, I walked into that shelter and there was no turning back. Rex and I met eyes and I started crying. There was no way that Rex wasn't going home with me. Who surrenders a 12 year old family member to die, in a cold, loud, bright shelter (and this isn't a dig at the shelter, they do the best with what they have, a dog deserves a home). I took Rex outside to play and to "get to know him," and the techs told me all about him. His family surrendered him because they were moving somewhere that couldn't have dogs and he was in good health for his age, he has moderate arthritis and a recently resolved ear and eye infection. So, they reminded me that he would find a home and not to adopt him because I was sad, but there was no way I could meet him and love him and not bring him home. The whole shelter was excited that Rex found his forever home. I cried the whole weekend for him. I would just look at his sweet face and think, how confused he must feel, how much his misses his family and why he's been bounced around, All weekend I would just break out into tears for him. Its very clear to me that he was around children in his previous family. He's just so perfect, all day long, all he wants is to be pet and fed. He is so full of love. My heart was just broken for him.
And then I realized why, I knew that feeling, I knew the feeling of being left and abandoned and confused. My parents did the same to me. And it's so confusing that I was so loved but yet they left. I would just lay there with him and cry. I couldn't control it. I was just so sad for us. But it was pretty clear from the beginning that we just understood each other hearts. My children came home and met him and they were thrilled to have a dog and agreed that no matter how much time Rex has on Earth that we were going to make the most of it. That there was no way we were going to let him die alone in a shelter. And my heart grew a million times, my children understood pretty quickly how important it was that he lived his days out with us. About 4 nights after Rex's adoption I woke up in the middle of the night and saw him laying next to my bed and I was no longer was sad or angry at the family that surrendered him. I felt a sense of calm, and I was thinking about my mom who essentially surrendered me (even though mine was to the care of her parents that I was already with often). And I no longer needed all the answers. I no longer felt this burning desire to know what happened to her. I no longer wanted to find a time machine to turn back time to get the courage to find her. I just accepted it. I can't turn back time and bring her back to life and I can't keep dwelling on it. She made some really awful decisions that hurt me, and that is the beginning and the middle and the end of the story. I don't need to know the answers to know that I will be okay. I don't need to understand how its possible to drink yourself into a coma and leave your young child to care for herself her baby siblings and allow strange men abuse her. I don't need to understand why she choose to abandon us and make a new family instead of getting healthy and coming home. I don't because those things happened, I am still here, I am still surviving. And I don't need the answers to heal. And I have been working on this for so long, and this dog, Rex, walks into my life and just shows it all to me. This dog that was so thoughtlessly put to the side. was showing me such incredible love and resiliency that it was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. I may have rescued him, but he rescued me right back.
Today I walked in to therapy and I told Meredith all of this and then told her that I know that I won't ever NOT be sad about my mom leaving and her death or my childhood, but that's okay, I am allowed to be sad. It's really fucking sad. Never is not sad, and never does it not deserve it's on space to be felt. And, I also told her that I was scared this sense of calm and closure was fake and she said there's really only one test of that. And she asked me how I felt about this little Kristy and for the first time I said, valid. She reminded me that I have never said that before. That I am typically annoyed with Little Kristy and her feelings. But not this time, she totally deserves to be sad, and when ever she wants. And now that she knows that, she can take a seat and allow ME to be at the wheel.
"To not have your suffering recognized is an almost unbearable form of violence." - Andrei Lankov
"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change." -unknown
#adoptdontshop
#seniorrescue
#herescuedmerightback
#baltimorecountyanimalservices