There is a warrior little Kristy!

The past year I have been working on healing lots of hurt little Kristy's. I was abandoned, I was physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally abused. I was neglected. I talk about all the little Kristy's hurt by my childhood trauma. I always leave one out. I never talk about her, I neglect her often, mainly because I don't even think about her. I refuse to give her any credit or love. And today, I was overcome with pride and sadness for her. She's the Kristy that persisted. She is the warrior. She the driving force that has brought me to this very moment and I haven't celebrated her, I haven't been proud of her, I haven't thanked her and I haven't loved her. And she's incredible. She has seen hell, and walked right through it and came out hopeful and it made her stronger but softer and with more compassion. She carried her siblings with her. She had hoped to bring her mother through it too. And she beats herself up daily about how she couldn't save her too. She has regrets. She wonders very often if there was anything else she could of done. Called the police, ran away, she even wonders if she should have done less. She would have done anything to save her mother, to save her siblings, to save herself. Her family was everything to her. She feels like a failure. She lost her mom forever. She wishes her family didn't also carry the same fears and burden as her. I am here giving her a voice, she deserves to be heard, she deserves to have someone else carry that burden, someone else to reassure her that she is a survivor, a warrior, the very definition of a badass. It's my job to tell her. She looked at everything that could hurt her and did everything she could to fight for her life, her Mothers life, her siblings life. She would call her grandparents when her dad was over and they were fighting so that her dad would be removed from home and no longer hurt anyone. She would secretly call her family to bring groceries when her mother was blacked out from drugs and alcohol because she didn't have anything to eat or feed her siblings. She let men touch her body and didn't make a big deal about it cause she didn't want to get hurt even more. She woke up every single morning and persisted despite having almost everything taken from her.  And she continued to grow. She has never let any of that stop her fight, her will to live and to be happy. She showed an immeasurable amount of love in the most hateful and horrible time of her life. She deserves a break and I am here, I am finally here to tell her she can. I am here to tell her that I am doing my very best to let her play. To let her know that I am here to keep her safe, I am here to love her. To give her love that she wants and needs. And that her break is coming soon. I see her and I love her and I am grateful for everything she sacrificed and everything she endured to bring me here. And that I will continue to be the warm arms wrapping her with all my love.

"The warrior woman is fully awakened and is taking a stand, taking the problems by the horns with her own hands and will conquer all that is there and all who comes as they dare."  unknown