Movies are supposed to be entertainment. I know this. Spoiler alert for the movie Like Father.
This weekend I watched Like Father.
I have been avoiding certain movies like, mystery, scary and suspenseful this past year because they all have been triggering. I suppose movies and shows have always been triggering but I just didn't know it. I didn't expect this movie to trigger me but of course, with PTSD you just never know when something will.
Kristen Bell's character is an asshole who is committed to her work, and unable to connect emotionally (or at all really) with her fiancee. He calls off the wedding at the alter because Kristen Bell's character is pretty much married to her work. She then takes her father on her honeymoon after he shows up at the wedding. Her father has been absent from her most of her life. We find out that she was getting married because she doesn't want to die alone like her mother.
You find out that the Dad ran a successful business but his business partner and best friend died recently from Alzheimer's and he's also afraid of being alone. That's why he shows up at her wedding. They reconnect and have the best time. There are some small little snafu's but generally speaking shes extremely forgiving. And by the end of the movies they show up for each other. Without so much any therapy for themselves or their relationship. Suddenly this cruise is a fix it all for them.
Usually I adore these movies. Feel good movies. But not this time. I am angry. Do you want to know why? Because nothing in life is close to being anything like this. We have gotten entirely too comfortable with happily ever after. The magical fix. The quick forgiveness. I know no one wants to watch the show/movie where there isn't a happy ending. But I am sick and tired of stories like mine being short sided. Happily ever after takes time. It takes pain, blood, guts and tears and then it takes all those things repeated over and over again. Cruises don't fix abandonment issues or other traumas. Mom's die from cancer, but sometimes it's cause they were addicts and didn't take care of their bodies. And sometimes they don't have all their children or family by their side when they die. Sometimes people die from Alzheimer's, but not within a couple years of the diagnosis but more than 15 years later while their entire family watched and cared for them. AND sometimes your Dad does come to your wedding. And shows up in your life, and you spend years repairing that relationship to find out he's a real user. The kind of guy who always takes and never gives. The reality of it all, is that there is never a happily ever after without real work. Work that takes more years than it did to create the trauma. And we need that. We need to see that the hero is the person that survives despite all that could have knocked them down. And stands up and makes promises that it stops at them. The person that wakes up every day and puts both their feet down on the floor and works towards being the best they can. Someone who shows up to therapy every week and does the hard work. Telling their truth to anyone that wants listen. Lending their ear to anyone that needs to tell theirs. Embracing their fears instead of letting them lead them. Trying to heal their traumas and make the world a better place, for everyone. That's courage, bravery and strength. Not some delightful fun cruise that suddenly reconnects you with the person that abandoned you. Abandonment and trauma aren't healed in a week. And they aren't healed on vacation. Sometimes a sorry doesn't heal you. Sometimes, and by that I mean, all times, you have to heal you. There is no magical fix, no running from it, no controlling it, no hiding from it. There is only you fixing you.
"Oh, yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it." - Rafiki
"There's no such thing as happily ever after, it's just a lie we tell ourselves because the truth is so hard," - unknown
"We repeat what we don't repair." - Christine Langley-Obaugh
*For the record, I didn’t hate the movie. I just wish for something more.
#likefather
#ptsd
#anxiety
#trauma
#abandonment
#netflix